On Not About Knitting...Not Really

I'm still here...just not really saying much. There are things that have been bothering me so bad and I have been on edge about whether I want to write about them or not and ended up chicken out and not blogging about it. There's some stuff on the internet and then there's some personal stuff. I'm not sure where to begin.

Let's start off so: Yes, I've been busy with work, boyfriend, thesis, studying, life....yeah, kind of in that order...and so I haven't been blogging. I skim through my bloglines, but I could hardly find inspiration to say something. I'm the kind of person who goes by the motto of "if you haven't got something nice to say, then just don't say anything". Lately though, I've come across so many things that just totally tick me off and I'm finding it harder and harder to hold back. I'm not a fan of critics, I don't like getting any (who does?). I know that constructive critics are good, but still, they will make you feel bad. I don't know whether it comes from my studying and writing my thesis that I've become more critical in most things I see. I start to analyse what people do and say....and I'm not sure whether I sometimes forget to analyse myself.

So, I'm laying my cards on the table and I'm open to the critics that definitely will ensue after this post. I'm sure that I'm bound to offend someone, if not a lot of people with what I'm about to say. I'm sure that people will turn the stick around and say that I'm doing the same thing, too. Perhaps, yes....but I'm just going to be dickhead and tell you that this is my space and I'm going to say what I want to say. I need a space to vent and I'm not going to do that in secrecy anymore.

Let's start off with the internet...or more specifically, Podcasts. In the past month, I found myself deleting some podcasts off my listening list, because I just can't stand the content any more. Yes, there were knitting podcasts that got scrapped because of the same reason...but there is one particular podcast that's not knitting related. I'm not going to do advertisement for this podcast and link to it. Here's the scoop: I started listening to this podcast back from its first episode. It is now up to its 476th episode and I must say that the content has deteriorated so much from when it started. It used to be about technology, news, movies...basically fun stuff and the host - I'll refer to the host as "he" - did a great job at presenting it in a fun way. Problem is, he started to expand and created several different podcasts based on the same line but on different stuff. All of them are well produced and entertaining. What happened was, he would do about 5-6 episodes and then just leave it off....whilst announcing in his main podcast that he will definitely continue doing those other podcasts. Yeah, that was like two years ago. He keeps doing that, i.e. creating new podcasts and then leave it. For goodness's sakes, follow up with your work!

I wouldn't rant about this, but thing is, the expansion doesn't go to just new podcasts. But all the time, he keeps recruiting other podcasts to join up in his "network"....which IMHO is pretty much like a little empire. He got other podcasts to join him, whilst he himself is neglecting all the 10 other podcasts he created. He keeps those neglected podcast online saying that it's a good resource for newer people to find. Sure...but when you listen between the lines, it sounds pretty much like: "I'm leaving it up there like a fishing net, so that people would end up coming to me in the end." Sure, there's nothing wrong with doing that...but how he says it in the shroud of his sliminess is sickening.

Towards the end of every year, he would start this donation marathon, so that he would get money in for the podcast. Let me state here that he's doing the podcast as part of his job, but he's not getting paid for it. His employer tells him that he needs to come up with his own funding for it. Great, isn't it? In my case, I would do it, but I wouldn't go around begging for money in such an offensive way and giving reasons that just don't live up to what it's worth. I got so pissed off and disgusted two years ago at listening to 45 minutes (on a normally 30-minutes podcast) of why the heck we should "donate" the money to the podcast that I ended up writing an email to the podcaster telling him that I find his method ridiculous and that he should be ashamed of what he's asking. No answer. Last year, the same thing.

The only thing that happens now in his podcast are emails and messages that he would broadcast because they glorify his "success" and "how great the podcast" is. He says that he answers every email....yeah, so what the fuck happened to mine? He hardly comes up with new content for the podcast any more, apart from using listener's feedbacks to fill up about 90% of the podcast. The 10% left is used to glorify himself and advertise for his other hibernating podcasts and his minion podcasts.

Second thing on the internet involves knitting....more specifically stuff that's been going on in Ravelry. I'm amazed at how many bad stuff has been cropping up in the knitting community (Keywords: Mystical Creations Yarn, HipKnits, MagKnits to name just a few). Perhaps it's just the perception because with Ravelry, everything got thrown out in the pot and everyone can see them in one place....so that probably makes it more visible to me.

What I'm getting at though is about the craziness about Wollmeise yarns. Don't get me wrong here, I'm really happy about people loving Wollmeise. If you know me long enough, you know that I support her wholeheartedly and wouldn't give any second thoughts about doing advertisement for her. But what's really getting to me are 1) people who are trying to make profit out the demand from Wollmeise right nowm, i.e. eBay and 2) people who can't seem to know when it's enough and stop asking for more..

Let's make this clear here: I have enough Wollmeise with me. I hoard them. I have access to Wollmeise easily enough for you to tell me that I'm not in the position to say things like this. However, let me state that I'm not the one asking for more more more. I have them and I'm happy with what I have. I don't mind having more, or every colourways...but I don't go around trying it get it with every chance. I know there are people out there wanting to try some but weren't lucky enough to get some (yet). And that's why it adds to my loathing of people who got the Wollmeise and put them up on eBay to get profit out of it. Don't you dare tell me there are other reasons like you need the money immediately and need to de-stash. Because in that case you can just put it up on eBay for immediate sales and not for auction. I wouldn't argue either if you put it up for immediate sales and add your shipping costs that you've paid originally to your price. Oh, and yes, I know who you are.

I kept having to tell people that they need to realise it's just one person doing all this and that they should cut Wollmeise some slack. But no, all they want is more....never mind that the one person doing it might just as well drown and die.

I try to accommodate for everyone on the Wollmeiseholics group on Ravelry. I do realise that I can't please every single one of you....but I'm also getting vibes that all you want is more. Sometimes, I just feel really left out and lonely there. I'm still a human being and I do want some kind words and some recognition for organising things. But lately it seems like I'm being commandeered around to do this and that. Seems sometimes people don't realise they're actually dealing with a real person on the other end who is doing this thing in his own free time and getting nothing out of it apart from seeing some people being happy about it. I'm not asking you to write an apology in order to ask me to do something....but some nice words would have been nice.

Lately, I've been hearing more and more critics about Lanaiolo. Yeah, I know you guys read my blog, so please, do note of how I feel about all this. The shop is relatively new, we still need to acclimatise on how to run the shop most effectively. Yes, the yarns are over-priced in some views, but it's still only some amount. Yes, I know you can get probably the same yarn elsewhere for cheaper and I'm not going to say anything about it. However what I'm going to say here is that you've said all those things to me once and that's enough. No need to hammer it in on me. Do realise that I'm just an employee there and I'm not the one running the shop. I can mention it to my boss once, but that's all I can do. I can't tell her how to run the shop because I'm not in the position. You, as a customer, are in the position to criticise constructively to her. But it doesn't bring anything to try getting me relaying all those things to my boss, because I'm not going to do that and put myself in such an awkward position. Sure, I don't always agree with my boss and I'll tell her my opinions...but still she has the last word. If you've never run a shop yourself, then I would suggest you not to start telling other people how to run their shops - yes, constructive criticisms and suggestions are still welcomed...but don't just go right out and say that what she's doing is wrong, unless you really know better because you're in the business yourself.

I'm also feeling left out by some real life "friends" around here. Sure, I'm busy with other things and I'm doing a lot more with Dr. D than with you. But it just seems to me that I'm being left on the edge with things that you do. I've addressed this issue a couple of times now and I don't want to nag about it. But it's making me extremely sad that I'm not being included. Sure, mea culpa for always saying that I can't join...but at the least, I would appreciate the fact that at least I was asked. I do put on a brave face when I get to see you, but really, I'm wilting inside. I'm not sure whether it was because of what I've said or done in the past that you stop including me. I don't know whether you don't realise you're doing it. I don't know whether you don't see it as I do. But yes, it hurts.

Lastly, I'm terrified about the prospect that Dr. D might have to move away for his job. It's nothing specific yet...but still the thoughts just terrify me to no ends. I mean, it's not like he's going to be out of the picture....and it's not like I can't move with him. But at the moment, I can't imagine living in another city apart from Munich - although admittedly, I've been getting fed up with Munich lately. It's just that I'm the kind of person who needs a lot of close contact with my partner and I just can't imagine doing distant relationship.

I'm really grateful for having Dr. D...coming to think of it, he's actually the most considerable of boyfriends I've ever had so far and he's patient with me. I've learnt a lot about myself in the past 6 months that I've been with him and I notice changes in myself and my attitudes, however gradually it is. Even though I might not have said it or show it blatantly to him, but he's one of the very few things right now that really makes me happy and I sure hope he knows it.

Anyway, sorry about the gloomy, ranty and venting post. I've got fibre/knitting related stuff to show you, too...and that will come. My 4th blogiversary is coming up and I'm thinking of doing some kind of contests. I'll see.

Please, people, don't hate me for what I've said above...I've just come to the point that I can't hold it in any longer and need to make room for other things in my head....I just hope that I won't be regretting this post afterwards.

Have a great weekend everyone.

Current Mood: Pensive...I guess
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